We're Both Old Now
by J.R. Marsden
Summary: As he nears the end of his final life, Blackstar takes to self-reflection by the lakeside. Littlecloud reminds him he's more than a past of misplaced faith. One-Shot.


**We're Both Old Now**

_**"We're only human; we're meant to dream. **_

_**Lost in a life full of mistakes, w**__**e do what feels right, then fall with no grace." **_

_**-**_ _Devil on My Shoulder _by Faith Marie

* * *

Littlecloud found Blackstar by the lake.

His leader sat there with eyes cast out toward the water, a great, shimmering pool that reflected the thousands of stars that hung in the night sky. It was not such a grand sight that it outmatched the true beauty and splendor of the Moonpool, but it was, Littlecloud decided, grand enough.

He sat down beside the old cat, the companion of his old age, and curled his thin tail about his paws.

"The water's rising," Blackstar remarked. Littlecloud supposed it was. Supposed, too, it would only get worse, but he could tell from the tone of his leader's voice that wasn't what he'd come out here to think about. Littlecloud cast him a sidelong glance, then turned back to the scene before them.

"You should be back at camp," he said. "You need your rest."

Blackstar huffed. "Rest or no rest, you and I both know I don't have much time left."

"You'd have longer if you listened to me. A few moons, at least."

"_A few moons. _You _really _know how to make a patient feel better..."

"A hopeful prediction made just for you," Littlecloud agreed, amused, and Blackstar's whiskers twitched, the tension leaving his once-powerful shoulders as they bantered. The medicine cat had learned seasons ago his optimism was too-often wasted on Blackstar, and found as the days dragged on he himself had started to savor the more cynical side he so often refused to explore, save with ShadowClan's leader.

"Regardless," Blackstar said, thoughtful, "I'd like to choose what moments I have before the end."

Littlecloud couldn't see any reason to deny him his wish. A companionable silence fell over them, with the songs of frogs and owls echoing around them, the breeze rustling pine needles, the lake water lapping the shore. Littlecloud closed his eyes, let himself sink into the moment, and thanked StarClan that it was one they could have at all. _We're both old now, _Littlecloud thought. It was a strange thing to realize. For so long, it'd been easy to recall the days where he was but a kit, forced to train too young, and Blackfoot the warrior, his perfect loyalty wasted on the bloodied and foolish rulers of their time.

Nowadays Littlecloud hardly ever thought about that tiny kit too accepting of death, or the warrior who was blind to the costs of his actions. He only saw a medicine cat and a leader, who'd seen more than most could ever dream, and endured.

Littlecloud only opened his eyes when Blackstar spoke again, his voice subdued, quiet. "There are times I don't think I'll make it there."

He glanced at the large tom. Blackstar's eyes had moved from the lake to the great starry sky above. Moonlight surrounded his white pelt like a protective shell, and it made him _glow . _For a long moment he wasn't the frail, ancient cat with patchy fur and a weakening mind, and if he could only see himself, Littlecloud knew Blackstar wouldn't even dare to doubt.

But where Blackstar's loyalty was ultimately unfettering, his faith was not, least of all being the faith in himself. "I've made too many mistakes."

"We all make mistakes, Blackstar," Littlecloud reminded not unkindly as he looked back to the lake. "Ones great and small."

"_You've _never made a 'great' mistake." Blackstar's voice was bitter...

"But I have. With Sol."

...and confusion replaced bitterness. "But what happened with Sol had almost nothing to do with you. You kept your faith."

Littlecloud felt Blackstar's eyes on him, and turned to meet his gaze. "But I didn't help you to keep yours. It was a sacred duty, and I failed." Blackstar grimaced and turned away again. So did Littlecloud. "I knew your faith was crumbling. I knew you felt...alone and distant so far away from the forest, but I did little to help."

"You tried."

"I should have tried harder. Sol was a snake's poison to our clan, and rather than try to cure it, I kept myself away from the fangs and asked StarClan to hunt the viper themselves." And they did in the end, two spirits sprouting forth from fallen trees and reminding Blackstar of who they were, who _he _was, but what if they hadn't? It wasn't a question Littlecloud had ever found an answer to. Nor, he realized, did he want to.

When Blackstar didn't respond, Littlecloud continued. "I told Jayfeather once that some mistakes have echoes that last forever, and when I said that, I thought of you. You've done...terrible things. Things anyone old enough to remember will never forget. Things some can never forgive." Blackstar's eyes flickered in the direction of RiverClan territory. "But Blackstar, whatever faults you have, you're the strongest leader ShadowClan has seen since Raggedstar."

"You say that as though the others were hard to surpass."

Littlecloud conceded to the point. "But think about how broken ShadowClan was after them all. By the time you received your lives, ShadowClan was left as little more than a bloodied, disgraced heap of cats who were ready to be swallowed by the world, with the rest of the clans looking on and wondering '_what terrible thing will they do next?'_. Now look at us." Littlecloud puffed his chest out, suddenly filled with an unabashed pride. "We're _respected _again. We have reason to be proud, and despite BloodClan and the Great Journey, despite Sol and the Dark Forest, we're _still here."_

"_We're still here." _Blackstar echoed the word with such amazement it was like he'd just re-lived the worst and best moments of his entire life - and maybe he had. He shook his wide head, then glanced at Littlecloud. "_We're _still here," he put a different emphasis then, betraying a fondness that wasn't often exposed. "StarClan help us, we're _old._"

Littlecloud _mrrowed _with amusement. "That we are. All the sickness and weak legs are proof enough, I think."

Blackstar nudged his medicine cat. "I remember when I went to receive my lives, Runningnose decided you would be the one to join me at the Moonstone. He said he believed it only right as you would be my medicine cat over the course of my leadership, from beginning to end." He bent his head and touched Littlecloud's head with his nose, his eyes warm. "I know we haven't always agreed with each other - and I won't pretend to ever understand your affection for ThunderClan - but you've been a good friend, Littlecloud. I'm glad Runningnose was right."

Littlecloud purred. It was hard to imagine serving under any other leader. "If you do go first, I don't expect I'll be far behind...and I'll look for you in StarClan."

His resolve touched Blackstar, and the proud leader shouldn't help but scoff to hide the fact. "Would that happen to be before or after you find Cinderpelt…?"

Littlecloud rolled his eyes and stood up, turning around back towards camp. "_After, _of course," he played into the bait willingly. They started their walk back, side by side. "You might have to fight her for my attention, in fact."

"I thought she never received much warrior training?"

"I don't know. I have reliable sources telling me she might have picked up a _few _more lessons..."

**AN: So, I fell out of the Warriors fandom/Warriors itself _years _ago, not because I don't appreciate the books, but because I just lost interest by virtue of growing older. I stopped reading after _Omen of the Stars_**, **and because _The Last Hope_ seemed so fitting to leave off on I just never picked it up again. I don't really intend to, either, beyond the wiki blurbs about the books and characters (because I need to know when faves die dang it). **

**Sometimes though I get in these fits where I want to do nothing more than write a few fanfics for it. Littlecloud and Blackstar have always been my two favorites, and I've always liked playing around with what their relationship might be like. They experienced the same terrible times, after all, but lived through them with totally different perspectives (for the most part). **

**They're both a bit OOC here, I think, but I liked this lil' drabble enough to post. I might do more, too, if anyone likes it. I hope you enjoyed! (And sorry for rambling oof)**


End file.
